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Date / Time : Thursday, November 5, 2009 / 8:13 AM
lost/loss
 I sat in the examination room on the 3rd of Nov, trying to focus on doing my paper at 8am.
I think i prettymuch screwed up my Combined humanities.
Earlier on, my mum got a call from my aunt at 6.30 in the morning.
She was crying, asking if we had already heard the news.
My uncle had passed away.
His family has been very important in my life
because they provided shelter for mine when we were lost &had no shelter.
I lived with him for 2 years.
I dont think i've expressed my gratitude to him for his deed, and now i regret this.
I still remember him crushing crabs &serving us chilli crab.
He's a great cook, really.
Aisyah, if you remember, he's the one we meet at the food court in Penin.
Although im not that close to him, i still feel a loss.
No more crazy uncle who eats tulang with tools.
I'll never forget that!
Now 2 out of 12 siblings have returned to Allah s.w.t.
I imagine myself being in my grandmother's shoes,
it must be devastating that her husband &2 children have gone before her.
They said he left a lot of hints that he was going to leave us.
Once, when his wife told him to quit smoking, he said,
"Nevermind, I wont be around in November anyway."
&when he cooked for his friend who lives in the same block, he said,
"So this will be the last time i'll cook for you lah eh."
He didnt allow any of us to go raya at his house,
instead he cooked for the whole family during the rewang of Abang boboy's wedding.
I guess we never really pay attention to or realise the things he said, until he has gone.
I really pity his children, aged 10&14.
Prettymuch like Dyna &Nadhir when their dad passed away.
The younger one, i think still doesnt quite understand the situation
&Khairi now has to be matured, being the only guy in the family.
I really hope they can overcome this hurdle in their life.
To be honest, i have never really accepted the fact that some of the people i love have left me.
My grandaunt &Nadhir's dad.
It's not that i dont want to accept it. just that my brain hasnt really absorbed the fact.
Everytime i sleepover at Nadhir's, i just think that Wak Man is away for religious classes at night.
But well, i guess these things just happen in life.
People come and go, prettymuch like seasons.
4 years ago in November, Nadhir's dad passed away
4 months later, Wak Paiman passed away in March.
I just really hope that no one else leaves the family next March or November or even any day.
Semoga segala dosa Allahyarham Paidi Bin Satariman diampuni Allah yang Maha Pengampun
&semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat.
Amin.
Date / Time : Sunday, October 11, 2009 / 8:08 PM
 yes, that's me on your right.
Fuzzy just reminded me of how much i have transformed over these 4 years
&i think i have really really really changed.
some might say i've changed in terms of my character.
i would say i have, too.
thing is, people do change.
like i've said before, change is the only constant
but it's funny, how it's not easy for people to change for the better.
they just get worst, dont they?
i dont understand people.
but then again, maybe people dont understand me as well.
why do you boast about something that makes yourself look cheap?
one by one, your cover will be blown.
it really agitates me that i have to listen to things, whether i want to or not.
now is not the time to get into trouble as such.
oh well, sorry if im unworthy of listening about your glorious achievements
non of us are even bothering about giving you advice.
&here's another 3 people i dont understand.
it's not like she hasnt asked for your forgiveness
try to understand that people make mistakes.
if she hasnt apologised yet, i can understand the rational behind the grudges you keep.
&i never really thought the two of you would be so full of animosity.
why make yourself look so cruel?
if you wanna make/give comments, say them when im not around
because,... merobek ah babe.
i know this post is one after a long time,
but i think the next one isn't until next month.
Looking forward to RED CAMP!
muah muah.
Date / Time : Sunday, September 13, 2009 / 2:36 AM
 im constantly trying to find who i really am cos well im confused.
how does one know who they are?
i just celebrated 2 of my friends' birthday - Anis&Fazleen
&well, it reminds me once again that i am sixteen
&i have to start thinking about my future
because the choices i make will determine how i will turn out
of course nobody wants to make the wrong choices
but that's what im afraid of
wrong choices.
do i go to Poly or JC?
people tell me to keep my options open
you see, if i go to JC, idk if im cut out for it.
i mean it seems really stressful, having to take the A levels in a year and a half's time.
but well, if i go to Poly, im afraid i wont be able to get used to the different culture there.
so i have to knw myself well then i have to make the choice
but how do i do that exactly?
just keep searching just keep searching.
Date / Time : Sunday, August 30, 2009 / 5:50 PM
funny we used to think that it was us against the world. all those times we promised to stand together and stand by each other, meaningless now? i just had a sententious talk with my already 16 years old buddy (*wink) Humairah at madrasah today and she seems to be going through the same thing with her very own social circle. does everybody goes through this stage in life, at the same time? it's almost awkward to think that both Humy and i are experiencing this cold shoulder sorta thing between our friends at this moment in life. it's just too coincidental. and we were saying like now, we should all be matured and not be goofing around too much. honestly, what's your friendship policy? maybe there's a difference in your definition of friendship as compared to ours. shouldnt friends be about sharing everything with each other, whether the good and the bad? furthermore we were hell of a bunch of great friends, that made almost everyday a memorable experience. so why now, when there are 'inhibitors' on your side, you turn to them? are guy figures more important than your own true friends? because the picture that one of them posted on facebook (alhamdulillah) shows that we dont mean a thing to you. so are you happy that we are hurt? are you happy you get to go spend your time with guys at yr waist giggling and laughing like nobody's business? are you happy having to front and act like nothing has happened in front of us? kawan-kawan yang baik sekali, bukan? (: maybe you guys should do a session of muhasabah diri eh. perbaikilah diri kamu sebelum diri kamu diperbaiki olehNya! so think, who are your true friends?
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