Friday, August 28, 2009 { 10:53 PM }





in life, at some point of time, you would have to face tormenting challenges be it in your family, in school or with friends. i wonder how you could have gone through those days in the lurch, unaided. for that, i salute you and respect you a whole lot for you are the reason i am still here today. amin.

but at sixteen, right now, i feel like i have so much things to worry about and new problems surface without me asking for them. like please, now is not the time to think about all these. why now? i cant bear looking at you worried and sad about what is going on or what he said to you. i am not strong enough for that, i am not strong, not like you. and what's all these nonsense about choosing? and boasting and all that crap? you have brains overwhelming with correct answers about physics and math but you have zero feelings. please reflect upon yr actions. thanks for the memories though, i'll keep them close to my heart.

at least im glad my mother sends me to religious classes once a week, which reminds me i have Allah and how close He can be to me, if only i asked for things i need in life. i love being a Muslim. you know, at hard times like this, just know that Allah is there for us. it's just a toll we have to take, another busy road we have to cross. this makes me feel a lot lighter in facing it cuz i know Allah will soon replace these problems with pahala & rewards in the afterworld.

if i could let go of all these life-problems and just forget about the world for a few days, i would like to devote all my attention to the one and only, because i feel that with all these keduniaan, we often forget about the keakhiratan, yes the afterworld. and im really afraid of it cuz i cant find the balance between both, i need to. i need time. i need someone to guide me. i dont want the world and i dont need the world. i admit sometimes i leave my duties as a Muslim and i feel scared because Allah is always watching my every move. every rule of His that i'm breaking, countless.

i really need time.

to think about this world He has made for us.
about Him and what He can do for us
about what He has blessed me with in my life
about the fact that He observes my every action
about what im not doing enough as His servant, ibadah &my wrong doings
about the bustling world &the afterworld
and about death, where it will take me for hell is not a place for Muslims who have been given a chance in the world to redeem themselves a place in heaven.

i want to be placed with the people with piety&good values.
insya Allah.